It has definitely been a while since I last wrote anything here. I feel as if I only come here to write when I feel helpless or hopeless. Or maybe I come here when I feel inspired to write, which is typically triggered by intense emotions. Either way, here I am again.
I really don't know how to move forward or where to even go.
I have been feeling terribly sad for the past few weeks. In all aspects of my life (seemingly), I have been in conflict with others. I have been called "the face of evil." I have been told that I am "denying someone the love of Jesus Christ." I have been called "hateful." I have received an anonymous letter telling me I should quit my job because I "don't have a heart for the community in which I work." I have had someone I care about de-friend me on Facebook and refuse to speak with me.
Since when did I become Satan incarnate?
I earnestly seek to do good in this world, and while I know people are frustrated with me for multiple reasons, I don't think I have done anything regrettable. I think I am being called names and sent anonymous letters because people are unfairly upset with me. And that sucks.
I suppose I am building and gaining thicker skin. After all, if I am going to spend a life in ministry, I am getting some good practice. Even though I know that I don't deserve to be called these things and haven't done wrong, it's hard to have all the multiple levels in my life calling me all the names. It's hard not to internalize.
While I know I don't deserve this, it's still what I'm getting.
So where to go? What to do? I guess hope and pray for better days. Trying for reconciliation where I can.
But at the end of the day, all the broken hearts in the world still beat.
