Broken

I know the pain of heartbreak.

It isn't easy.  It isn't clear.  I don't need answers.  I just need peace.

No one cares.  No one cares.  No one even begins to care.  I am surrounded by tons of people daily, and I still feel lonely.  I feel so terribly lonely. I don't mean to be immature, but I am feeling left out by people who I thought were my friends.  No one even asks me anymore.  These are not my friends.  These are not people who really care.  These are people who I was never really welcome with in the first place.  

"Her heart is broken, but she won't say that. Her heart is broken, but she can't go back."

I just want to disappear.  But, you know what?  It looks as if I already have.

And yet, I met a family tonight that was digging through the trash.  Scrounging for clothes and furniture.  My friend and I gave them clothes, furniture, a lift to their home, and some contacts for possible employment.  Yet, it broke my heart to leave them there.  

Crazy to put problems in perspective, huh?  Wealthy or not, we all have our demons to face.

Saddened

I am having a really hard time right now.  I feel like I am differing theologically within the particular ministry I am working with.  Usually, our differences don’t really matter that much, but as of late, they have been brought up all the time.  I’m angry, upset all at the same time.  How do I even begin to talk or think about this?

Also, I wish someone would care about me.  It kind of feels as if no one actually cares at times.  That I could die, and nobody would really give a damn.  I know that this is not really true.  But, it still feels like it, all the time. And even if it is true, it doesn’t mean that people always treat me as if they care.  Which, I suppose, hurts. 

Just kind of feel sad today.

Living In A Man's World

I have really been thinking about so much lately that I hardly know where to begin.

First, I have become super, super irritated with gender roles and sexism. I cannot believe that this is the societal norm that we have constructed.  Let’s just simply think about prefixes for names. “Miss” is a word for a woman that has not been married. “Mrs.” is an abbreviation of the word Mistress, used as a title for a woman that is married or widowed. “Ms.” is a title used for a woman whose marital status is unknown or irrelevant (as in business). The letters “Ms.” are not an abbreviation of a word, they are an amalgamation drawn from the letters of “Miss” and “Mrs.” On the other hand, a man is just a mister (Mr.) Why is it that men don’t have to determine their sexual availability like women?

Also, I was aware that women were allowed in the military.  What I was not aware of until today, is that women could not be on the front lines of battle.  Y’all.  It is 2013.  We live in the 21^st century.  And there are still questions about whether women being in the front lines of battle will be distracting or if it is overdue??

I cannot handle this.

How did our society get like this?  Why is it that when women want to go to war for this country, the question is, “Won’t that be distracting for our military?”  Who will that be distracting for?!?! Not the women, but the men!  Why is it that when women are victims of unwanted sexual advances, the response from the country is that they shouldn’t have been wearing revealing clothing? Why are we answering to men?!?!  Even as we sit here and try to push for women’s rights and equality, we are still answering to the “norms” of our patriarchal society.  Why is everything in this world about how men view it?  Or how men respond to it?  I agree that when women wear revealing clothing and walk alone at night, that that in general is not a safe idea, but why is our solution to the problem telling women to have safer practices of dressing rather than telling men that it is not ok to make unwanted sexual advances?!? It is like we have resigned ourselves to the fact that that is just how men are, and they can never change.  Once again, sexism comes out to play and the women are supposed to change to fit into a man’s world.

This is outrageous to me.  Perhaps people want to label this a "feminist" rant.  Really, it's a rant for basic human rights.  

I just want equality--is that too much to ask??