Walk On

I am at a really interesting place in my life: a transition.

I am transitioning out of the PT world back into the world of Perkins and the life of an academic.

And it is strange.

I guess in a sense, it always is.  I have been here before. I have had PT withdrawal. But, I always forget how hard it is.

And as I am transitioning back into the world of Perkins and into the lives of my friends at Perkins, I just cannot help but feel strange. I feel like all of my friends are going through these individual battles that I didn't know they were dealing with.  But, now I am finding out and sitting in the shock of it all. As it is news to me, but probably not to them.

All I can think is: "What is happening?!?!"

And all of it just shows me how much of a transition this all is.  I have literally been out of the Perkins world for months now, and I don't really know what is going on there.  It makes me a little bit sad.

Finishing up at PT, a lot of things happened.  The boy that I swore things would never happen with? Well, we kind of had a fling in the last week.  He took me out on a few dates, and we may or may not have kissed.  But, nothing really ever transpired out of it.  And I was ok with that. Until the last day.  I thought I was going to walk away from it all content, but I didn't.  So, these past couple of weeks have felt a bit sad.  That, and I'm pretty sure he might be going on dates with another friend of mine.  I'm never really going to ask, because I really don't think I can handle knowing.

I don't regret having a fling with him--it was fun.  That said, I could NEVER date this boy.  He doesn't know what he wants, and he says one thing, while his actions say another.  I am so over that.  He doesn't quite treat me as if I am enough.  I am tired of that! I deserve to be treated like I am everything!  It's like being with him is toxic.  When I am around him, it's like I am too weak to make any decisions that would involve me saying no to hanging out or being with him.

But I guess right now, all I can really do is keep walking on. Only looking back just enough to remember why I am walking in the first place.