Baggage

For all of my avid blog readers, consider this the story continuing!

Last week, I wrote about a boy confessing his attraction to me, and a lot has happened since then.

First, this boy has been extremely flirty, and I have been very cautious/ uneasy about it all.  Mainly, because I was not sure if there was another girl involved.  Earlier this week, I finally got up the courage to say that I felt uncomfortable about the way he was flirting because I felt it might be inappropriate if he had a commitment to another girl.  He went on to tell me what exactly their commitment entailed.  He is "talking to" a girl from South Carolina, who is currently in Argentina (I think?).  They are not dating until they can physically be in each other's presence, which in reality, will probably be never and certainly not anytime soon.  The last time they physically saw each other was in the summer of 2011.  Anyways, while that was significant, it still really didn't address my concerns and how I am supposed to act.  I clarified my question again saying that if he had something with another girl, she might feel uncomfortable with how we are acting, and if I were in her shoes, I certainly would.  He proceeded to tell me that he definitely understood what I meant and that he felt the same way when she confessed to him that she had been making out with other guys.  He then said that she was technically free to do so since they weren't dating.  Later, the conversation turned into him telling me about a lot of his past relationships and how they didn't work out for such and such reason.  He then said he didn't really know what he wanted, and he said he notices in me that I know how to love really well, which is all he really wants out of a relationship and life.


There are a number of things about this scene, but let me start off by saying that this was where I experienced my epiphany.  This guy has a lot of really amazing qualities, but there is some significant baggage that he is carrying around with him.  He has been in a lot of really unhealthy relationships, and I think he is in one now.  While he might not be dating someone, he has a commitment with another girl, and in my opinion, it is not ok for her (or him) to do things with other people amidst this commitment.  That's not really commitment. That's convenience.  Convenience without commitment really, really hurts people.

I know he doesn't know what he wants, and that's a fair place to be, but I think this phrase almost says it all.  He is looking for happiness, affirmation, and love in all the wrong places.  And until he can find it within himself, he won't ever be able to find it in another human being.  Humans are not perfect.  We do HORRIBLE things to each other every day.  We don't know how to love others in righteous and whole ways.  God's agape for the world and for us is what we strive to be and give, even though we often fail.  But, even amidst our failings, we can find joy and contentment in knowing that the only way we can truly define ourselves is as a people who are radically loved by God.  While we might have other things that define us, it all falls underneath God's love for us, which should take priority.

While I might still have things I like about this boy, him and I could never be.  He has a lot to sort out, and he won't find his answers in a relationship.  I pray for him, that I would be a good friend to help him see the joy that comes from being radically loved by God.  I pray, too, that my heart would not grow weak, but stand strong in my conviction that he is not in a healthy place to be in a relationship with.  He has too much baggage right now that is, put simply, too much for me. I know we all have baggage.  I'm just looking for baggage that goes with mine.